You survived?

Hey...
It is me again. I am you in 2019. It's been looooong time...
Evan was diagnosed with Bipolar few weeks ago. Are you still with him? Is he alive?
I am thinking about myself now. I want to go to Florida or just away. Our parents know nothing, mom asks me once in a while about Evan but I am able to change the conversation. By the time you read this you are a totally different person. Do you wish there would be a way to message yourself in the past? I do. That way you could tell me that life is very long and very short at the same time. I will do whatever it takes to become happy. I will do whatever it takes not to regret about anything. I do not love Evan anymore. It is something else. I feel sad each time I see him because he is not the same person anymore. I cry inside myself because the person who I loved the most died and I did not have a chance to hug him last time. That person disappeared and I am loosing my hope to ever see him again. Just imagine how you would feel if your own child runs away? And you will never see him again. I feel absolutely empty inside and strong as never on the outside. My brain, my heart and my whole body are getting stronger every day. I will survive everything and I will reach the top. I know I will. Please, tell me that we did not ran out of soul?