05.11.2017

not so far away
still you won't remember writing it
it's cold and hlin is singing into the darkness
the problem is, i don't know if the letters i wrote in the past have been deleted after landing in the spam. trying it out! in a not-very-long shooting range. i'll probably remember distantly that i'm waiting for a letter this summer. now... at least 2 letters are due... yeah, at least two.

i don't know, it's not loneliness. there are very little decorations. distractions. which is like a huge distraction itself. in the funhouse mirror where everything's the opposite and frittering yourself away is the point. life. on the other side - what else.

i sleep awfully long.

you should remind yourself that you are happy. it won't last forever. i don't know about the dirt. it's what kinda keeping me.
you know you haven't become mature. this absence of eloquence is not the dry adult way, and you know?? your thinking. it's slow. you don't need words to think - was your hypothesis. it might not correct.
the problem is, things keep being taken away. you need energy to try and stand your ground. ??? do you have the right though?

anyway

it's your mom's second birthday. one year we were in the train this day. might have been the happiest year. one of the happiest years for sure.

it's not about sense. anyway. it's about you, the me-in-half-a-year you. but that just makes this about me because i know how you love yourself.

this have never been this empty.







i hope everybody's happy and you still jumble up letters when typing.

i'm kinda totally at sea now and have never been, objectively, so helpless. as opposed to felt. bc i certainly have. back then when i used to feel things generally. which wasn't such a long time ago!! two years? two and a half? three? tops.
i wanna vomit writing makes me feel so bad i just wish i would have never been born and that's it, the main message, the only message, also there's no reason for me to write that down because?? you know it already and agree and can't do shit about it. haven't been able to for years. ages. and we're stuck, status updated.

im kinda waiting for this new year's eve.