Hello! Future myself!

You know, the life has been tough since the beginning of 11th grade, the time i write this email is the end of this grade so today is 27th of april 2025. I study, study and study, nothing more. Every single day begins from studying. I so tired. I know that i have two main exams in 28th may and 25th june but I can't hold it anymore. When i get up at six am, taking into account that i slept only for 3 hours, its always that one realization that i again will fucking study till again 3am and lie to my bed only for three damn hours in order to sleep. That's the way i spend my entire day. Because of study i lost some of my friends that were my besties. Some days ago i lost my bff. One friend who is also close to me, i didnt see her for a while, i dont know what happens in her life. But she has plans to move to sdu uni, the uni i want to go too. I have some of my classmate friends, but, they are not as close as they were to be. So i guess im feeling that i wont have any friends by the end of the 11th grade, but its normal thing, i always have been an introvert so, yep, i will be just as lonely as i were some years ago. It wont hurt me morally, because i face it my entire life, i hadnt have besties, friends till 2024. But things happen so its normal, this is a life.
So i guess you have the life we ve been wanting to. I guess you have precious friends that are with you. I believe that you are a boyfriend of her, you know who. I believe you will study IT further in SDU uni, the uni i really want to study there. I truly believe tgat you wont have any problems, i truly believe everything is gonna be fine, not now maybe, but in the future, the future where you are. Im dreaming of MacBook these days, because macbook is really good thing tbh. I will need it in the uni, so this is my one of the dreams.
So ur mature, ur grown up, you are the one who i really want to be right now. I guess you made it, u built muscles and beat one of my complexes. Remember the complexes that i had? Wearing baggy stuff even in hot summer, so this is a nightmare tbh. I guess everything will be alright and normal after the end of my fucking studies after 25th june.
What about our brother? Brother or cousin? I guess we both want him to be brother, but in my era, he is just a cousin. I really want him to be my brother, i mean just start to communicate with him, but unfortunately, im not that type of person to chat, so does he. Hope that in my future, you are chatting with him everyday!
My parents are so good people. They always support me, everyday, despite the fact that i barely stand, because i want to sleep. I hope they will win their illnesses, and everything is gonna be alright in my future.
My sisters, two of them are so beautiful. One of my sisters have three kids, i so love them, i hope in my future these kids will be safe and they will have a happy childhood. The other sister, she is full of energy, ready to go everywhere, hang out everywhere, she is in her best years. I truly believe that she made it, she made her goal, by buying a flat for herself, in my future, i hope this would be true.
So yep, i said everything what i have rn. Even if im on the verge of depression, i still study, still believing that everything is gonna be alright and i win a grant for uni, this is the stage of my life i have been going through rn. Hope in my future, these things will change into something better.