happy new year, bitch<

Yeah, yeah, i was writing my paper to the Balaubaev conference and suddenly have found letter from the past. Holy Molly you were so positive back then ;) But now, something has changed, you grew up, at least become more mature and serious. Right now you are sitting in the room in apartment in Krg, you are sharing a room with O. brother. Few hours ago you felt horny and watched some porn. Lately, you always feel yourself horny. Which is weird, even your hips unintentionally moving like imitating having sex. Fuck. probably it is because of the "spring". Or it might be because you are 23 years old and still have no relationship. You have a new friend Zh. And have a new crush ~T~. And whole situation with them both is complicated. Maybe you just like being victim. You know, its like "my crush likes my friend, but my friend don't like him back, she likes me". Grosssssss. And pity. Really. I pity u. Could u please have more self respect and fall out of the love with him? But at least, it gives you a motivation to lose some weight, cause you are strongly desperate to catch his attention. But what then? you'll refuse him. why? because it'll more pity if you agree to go out with him, right after your friend refused. You would feel yourself as a second choice or back-up plan. Then why to try get attention? just to prove. Prove yourself as worthy. ok. From the past that's it.
I just want to ask you. How are you? Whole semester have passed, probably now you are at home. Did you make any progress on your master's work? I know, probably you are procrastinating. But don't. Please. Do something, even it's tiniest move.
Did you and Laura make vacation in Dubai happen?
Aaaaaaand, did u lost weight? i am always asking it. Maybe at some point, i should stop doing it. Its getting unhealthy. Actually it always has been. But you are not realizing it, cause everyone around pushing you to that way. Not your way. You think that if you lose weight all problems would magically be solved. But, trust me that's not how it works. Do this, just because you love yourself, just because you want to be healthier, to feel comfortable in your own skin. Don't prove anything to anyone, its wasting your energy.
And don't dig into your past traumas, let them free. Be happy. Be grateful. Be here and now. You don't even realise how much potential you have.